


The Story They Never Told You

by akf102



Series: Asha Stories [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Awkward Cullen, Dorks in Love, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Jealous Cullen, Love Confessions, NSFW, POV Cullen Rutherford, Romance, Sweet Cullen Rutherford, The Winter Palace (Dragon Age), Young Inquisitor (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-05-01 06:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akf102/pseuds/akf102
Summary: My life has changed dramatically since the conclave was destroyed. I’m not here to tell you the lore of The Inquisition. It’s not about the battles, or the many monsters I’ve faced, in a way it’s not about Corypheus. It’s about me, Asha, the Inquisitor, your Herald of Andraste who doesn’t know if the maker exists or if the elven gods exists also. I know that at some point history might change who I was as an elf. I don’t know if they would even keep me as an elf in your stories. This is my story of who I was, who my friends were, who I loved, and why I eventually disappeared.





	1. 9:41 Dragon. The Young Warrior

As a little girl I was always a skilled warrior as a child. At sixteen I was a master and at the time I thought that was the most important day of my life. I was wrong...so very wrong. I was sent to The Conclave to spy on these people not help them. Yet here I am their Herald and trying to bring order to chaos. 

“So where are you from?” I ask our commander. “Or is the Herald not suppose to ask that?” He stares for a split second before answering my questions.

“Uh no, of course it’s fine.” He adorable when he blushes. Cullen begins to talk about his family and how they live in the South Reach. He almost sounds sad speaking about them. I rather not press him about it.

“How are the troops? Behaving well?” I look at him as the hint of sadness fades and turns his attention to the recruits. 

“Most have never had any training before, but they are eager to serve.” He stares off into the distance past the soldiers. As if he lost in his own thought...it’s an amazing sight. I best leave him alone before that sad look returns to his face.

“We’ll talk later.” I say as I walk back towards Haven. I see him watch me for a second and then turns away. He our military advisor and always treats me as their miracle for survival. I wish someone wouldn’t treat me as the Herald. I miss being Asha the girl or Asha the dalish elf. I want to help people, but I don’t know if I can be their savior.

“Hello Asha.” I turn to find Solas with his hand behind his back. He gives me a slight nod and I walk over to him.

“Hello Solas, are you recovering well from the Hinterlands?” We encounter quite a few enemies while there. The fighting between the templars and mages was far worse than what we expected. 

“I am well. I believe it had been some time that the templars fought against a skilled mage.” He smiled at me. Something I haven’t seen much of before. 

“I’m happy to hear that. I personally thought the fighting was difficult.”

“That’s understandable. Your clan must be quite proud of how strong you are.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I sit on the cement fence near him.

“A master warrior at such a young age? Your clan must be proud of a twenty-six year old master.”

“I’m only twenty-one, Solas.” His eyes widen in shock as I play with the ends of my curly ginger hair in embarrassment. I can’t look at him seeing me like a child just like everyone else.

“Even more impressive.” He says in quiet tone. My eyes meet his the same way they have always looked at me. 

“Thank you.”


	2. What's My Choice

After our journey to Val Royeaux I was left with the responsibility to speak with three different invitations directed towards the Inquisition. We’ve had three new people join us now by my decision. Sera an elf who belongs to Red Jenny, Vivienne a circle mage, and The Iron Bull and his Chargers. Hopefully it’s alright that I allowed them to join us. As I walk into the Chantry the advisors meet Cassandra and I in the meeting room at the very end of the building. They discuss our options between the mages and templars. Leliana seems to want to pick the mages while Cullen wants to have us go to the templars. They leave it up to me to decide on our fate in the manner. I don’t know how anyone can choose between the two of them. 

“Are you alright?” Cullen asks while I overthink the situation at hand. He sits down next to me on the bench placed between two tents on the training field. “Do you wish to discuss it?”

“I would like to. If you mind hearing me ramble a bit.” He chuckles as he nods at me wanting me to continue. “I don’t know who to choose. I don’t want to regret my choice or let anyone down.” I sigh and lay my head against his shoulder completely exhausted over the manner. I can feel him tense up.

“I-I think you wo-won’t let anyone down.” I glance up at him to see why he stuttering and see his handsome face shaded a light pink. “Especially me.” 

“Really?” I asked as he looks at me his face darkening a deeper shade of red. He slowly nods his head showing me his perfect grin. The way his smile pulls his lip scar ever so slightly makes me start to blush. “You don’t have to say that…” I look back down and fiddle with my hair trying to hide my embarrassed expression.   
“I mean it.” He turns his head towards the horizon gazing far into the sky. A faint orange glow engulfs us in light as the sun sets. I hear the bells that signal that supper is ready. I gently lift my head off his shoulder trying not to ruin the atmosphere. But as I start to stand up he stares at me waiting to say something.

“Uh-I believe it’s time for food. As in dinner or um whatever they call it here.” 

“Ah! Yes I believe you are correct.” He stands up and we walk in silence. As we arrive we both split parts to where we usually eat. I sit with Solas, Varric, Sera and Bull. But Cullen takes his food and goes back to work in his tent. 

“Greetings Asha.” Solas says to me as I sit next to him. 

“Hey Copper, I have a bet you might like.” Varric says as Sera pushes him over.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Who would win in a fight? Sera or Bull?” I looked between Sera and Bull trying to figure out how this began. I turned to Solas to ask him.

“How-” I begin

“Well come on now! We don't have all damn night!” Sera says as she waves her hand in my face.

“Alright, I bet Sera.” I say turning towards her. “Bull may be tough, but Sera can be sneaky and a bit tricky to deal with.” I can hear everyone laugh as Solas gently places his hand on my shoulder. 

“May I speak with you?” He asks in a whisper close to my ears. I nod and get up with him as I wave everyone goodbye. He walks me to my little cabin I've stayed in since the Inquisition started. 

“You wanted to talk?” I ask as I lean against my door. 

“Yes, have you decided who the Inquisition will help?” 

“No, I haven't yet.” I gently tug on a strange of my hair

“Personally I believe we should speak with the mages.” He gently takes my hair and tucks it behind my ear. “But I know you'll make the right choice no matter what.” He starts down the stone steps.

“I appreciate you telling me what you would do.” I say as he walks away. “I like hearing your opinion.” 

“As do I.” He turns towards me. “Hamin, Asha.”


	3. Everyday Life

Enjoying the book, Copper?” Varric asks as he sits down next to me.

“I can't believe Hawke spared Anders’ life. He betrayed you guys!” He laughs at my reaction to the Kirkwall Rebellion.

“Copper, she loved him and still does. She couldn't take his life.” 

“But he-” 

“You'll understand when you're in love. But for now finish the ending and then I think Chuckles wants to speak to you.” As Varric walks away Solas sits in his spot. 

“Are you scared about going to Redcliffe soon?” He asked as I shut my book.

“I'm not scared….just nervous I suppose. I'm afraid about this tevinter army though.” I look at him. “What if they try something?” 

“Because you are an elf?” I nod my head slowly and try not to imagine what they would do to me. “I won’t let that happen to you.”

“I appreciate that, Solas.” He places his hand on top of my head.

“Worry not. I am here for you.” He says as he stands up and starts to walk back to his usual area. I finish reading my book after he leaves and then head towards the training grounds.

“Hello, Commander.” I smirk at him. He hates when I call him that. He groans at his title pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Please, you know Cullen is just fine.” He starts to smirk at me. “Herald of Andraste.” I squint my eyes at him.

“Low Rutherford, very, very, low.” I say as he chuckles and turns his back to me to observe the soldiers finishing up for the day. I start to scoop some snow in both my hands and chuck it at his back.

“Hey!” He yells and turns around to find me preparing another snowball to launch. “Oh no you don’t!” But he too late as my snowball hits him square in the chest. “Asha!” I start to run as he chases me into Haven.

“Cassandra help me!” I say as I try to hide behind her. 

“What is the meaning of this!” She says as Cullen comes running towards us with a snowball in his hand.

“Oh Seeker Pentaghast!” He drops his snowball and turns a shade of pink. His blush is quite adorable. “It’s nothing, Seeker.” I give him a devilish smile.

“Commander I suggest you should take it easy and not chase the Herald around like you are a child.” Varric stops behind Cullen to listen to the conversation. 

“Come on, Seeker! Let Curly have a friend Maker knows he needs one!” Varric then leaves with Cassandra as me and Cullen are left to talk. Our silence is uncomfortable for some reason. His face a deep red now with embarrassment. He clears his throat and walks closer towards me.

“I-uh” I start as I try to figure what to say. 

“I suppose we are friends.” He starts to smile. “I really enjoy our friendship.” 

“As do I.” I return his smile trying not to make a foul out of myself. I don't understand why he makes me so nervous. I get butterflies in my stomach everytime he speaks. “Maybe-” 

“I really treasure this we shouldn't do anything to jeopardize it.” He says as my face breaks into a crimson red. 

“Yes, of course, absolutely!” I say in shrilly voice to hide my embarrassment. Of course he just likes me that way. He nods as walks back to his tent to rest for the evening. I start to walk to my cabin wanting to skip supper. 

“Ah Asha, there you are!” I turn around to see Solas approaching me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear what you guys think so far!


	4. The Commander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV Cullen. Short chapter.

I'm an idiot. I'm a damn fool. Maker's breath of course we're friends. Why would I want to ruin that. She's the Herald of Andraste, she would never want a man like me. She so young and pure. I'm not any of those things. Thankfully today was a good day. Without lyrium there's good and bad days, but usually they're just bad. I want to break away from the order. To be a man that deserves someone like her. The way her hair glows in the sunlight. How her head sat on my shoulder when she was dealing with stress. It took everything in me to not be an idiot. And then today with everything happening! Saving me from that woman, being so small and still able to wrap her arms around me, and the way she held me. I should reword what I said to her. I should march to her cabin and apologize for what I said.   
Just as I walk out of my tent to go find her I see Solas walking the same direction as I was. He takes her hand and she smiles and hurries along with him while laughing up the steps. Of course she with him. I'm a damn foul


	5. The Fate of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After talking to the mages Asha is sent forward in time with Dorian.

“There no time to chat. We've got to figure out what's going on.” Dorian says as he leads me through the castle. 

“What happened here?”

“Alexius must have sent us forward in time. Look at all this red lyrium. It would have taken some time to grow.” My eyes grow wide as panic floods my senses

“How far?” Dorian looks around for a minute and turns back towards me.

“I don't know, but we should find out.” We end up in the dungeons we've found Sera already completely out of her mind. We venture further down our path. 

“Solas?” I ask as I step towards the door. 

“You're alive? That's not possible!” I open the door and let him step out. 

“I'm full of possibilities. You should know that.” I don't know how long it's been or what's happened to them besides the red lyrium. 

“Yes, you are I suppose.” I step closer to Solas taking his hand. “It's good to see you, Asha. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.” 

“I'm getting us out of here. Everything will be fine.” We make our way to find Fiona dying from the red lyrium.”

“A year! How is that possible!” Dorian yells snapping me out of my thoughts.

“It doesn't matter. We have to find Leliana and reverse all this.” I drag Solas by the hand ahead of the group irritated by the situation. We continue walking through the maze of this place. While Dorian and Sera are further behind looking around the area. 

“You don't need to drag me, Asha.” Solas says after a while. 

“What? Oh!” I drop his hand and stop. “I'm sorry I just need to get back as soon as I can.” 

“I agree we must hurry.” I started my fast pace again trying to hide my blushing face. It's true even before we came here Solas and I were getting close. I don't know how close, but seeing him like this made me want to protect him. I also have to get back to the past and save everyone. We find the room where Leliana is. Instead of being polite and nice she now cold and bitter. I don't blame her she looks tortured to near death.

We make our way through the castle most of us in silence. We're already tired of fighting and running around this damn place looking for these stupid door pieces. I can't wait for this to be over and to be home. I want Varric to make a stupid joke and have us all laugh at it. I want Cassandra to complain about the situation whenever we go to the hinterlands. I want to see Cullen blush at me over some stupid comment I make. I want to see my friends and not have them be tortured to death. 

“He gone you know.” Leliana says quietly next to me. 

“Who?” She gives me a sad face before she sighs. 

“Cullen, they broke him and made him one of their dogs.” I stop dead in my tracks. “Then they put him down like one.” 

“Thank you for telling me this.” I continue to walk past everyone placing the last piece into the door. “Come on, there no time to waste.”

The fight was long and straining. I can hardly breathe. I look at Dorian who was the amulet in his hands. 

“Give me an hour.” He says ready to start the spell.

“An hour?! You have to go now! The elder one is on his way!” We can hear banging from outside the door. “Go! You have as much time as I have arrows.” As Dorian starts his spell I watch Sera quickly join Leliana. Solas is standing still watching me. 

“Farewell, Asha.” He says before following them. 

“This isn't goodbye, Solas!” I yell as Dorian’s spell is nearly complete.

“Quickly!” Is all I hear as I am transported back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! So I know the chapters are short, but that's mostly cause I'm just speeding through Haven( just like I do in the game) Longer chapters will be here soon.


	6. A Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asha returns to Haven after the mages join.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't noticed yet I do change quite a bit of dialogue, but I leave the most important events alone for the most part.

“You're going to have to do better than that.” I say as I stare at Alexius. He drops to his knees and surrenders. But sadly for the mages their only choice was to join us as allies. I feel bad they didn't have much of a choice, but luckily they will be treated equal. As we return to Haven I rush forward to the training grounds. 

“Cullen!” I yell as I rush into him wrapping my arms around his waist. “Thank Mythal you're okay!” 

“Wha-what of course I'm alright. W-why wouldn't I be?” He gently pushes me away while I ramble what happened to him. His face turns into a grimace, and then into a face as if he is sick to his stomach.

“Cullen, are you alright?” 

“I'll be fine. Are you alright?” 

“It was awful!” I bury my head into his fur crying. “I let everyone down.” I say through the sobs. 

“It's alright.” He puts his arms around me. We just stand there while I cry holding me as if I'm the most fragile item. I feel safe and warm. I'm purely exhausted again over the situation. 

“Asha!” I look up and see Solas running towards me. “I have the potion that should help you sleep tonight. You need to rest.” Solas stretches a hand toward me. 

“Get some sleep, Asha” Cullen says as he lets go of me. “Thank you Solas, for taking care of her.” 

“It is my pleasure, Commander.” He says as I let go of Cullen. I take Solas’ hand and start walking with him. 

“Thank you, Cullen. You're a good friend.” He meets my eyes and smiles.

Solas’ hands are slender and smooth. It feels nice against mine. I can't stop thinking about the way he looked at me in the future. Full of sadness and want, but now his eyes are now back to their normal warmth. I thought I would never see his blue eyes again without the red from the lyrium. When we arrive at my cabin he steps in first and rushes to the table. He opens the potion vial and pours it into a glass. 

“Here drink this and then lay down.” He sets the glass down on my bedside table. “You need your rest for when we close the breach.” He starts to walk to the door leading outside.

“Solas?” I grab his sleeve. “I-uh thank you.” He turns to face me. “You're too kind sometimes. I don't deserve all this treatment.” I blush knowing how stupid I sound. 

“Hamin, lethallan.” His lips brush my skin as he leans in to kiss my cheek. As Solas leaves my cabin I drink the potion and lay down on the bed.


	7. Celebration

“Are the mages ready, Cassandra?” I ask her as we enter the Temple of Sacred Ashes’ ruins.

“They await our signal, Herald.” 

“Perfect.” I walk past Solas and the group of mages with him. I step forward towards the beach. For the first time since this has happened I feel like this is my duty to save Thedas. I didn’t ask for this, but I know this is my responsibility. 

“Mages!” I hear Cassandra yell. I lift my hand towards the breach and flex my muscles to use the mark. I feel the tingle in my hand and see a flash of light. I collapse to the ground and stare into the sky. 

“Come on, Copper. You must have got some interesting stories to tell us.” I snap out of my mind to see I’m in the tavern. Varric and Solas are with me at a table waiting for our drinks. 

“Varric, she probably tired from closing the breach.” Solas smiles at me while holding my hand under the table.

“No, it’s okay. I have lots of stories to tell.” I start to ramble about one of our more exciting hunts. They both chuckle at my enthusiasm. After we finish our drinks we head outside towards Cassandra.

“Hello Herald.”  
“Cassandra, please call me Asha. You’re always so formal.” She smiles at me and nods her head. 

“Many questions remind, but this was a victory. You are to thank for this.”

“We all did this not just me.” 

The bells start to ring and everyone starts to run around in a frenzy. I spot Cullen running towards Haven’s doors. I start down the stone steps to follow him.

“Forces approaching, to arm!” He yells to the people running around trying to get their attention. We run with him to the doors to find Leliana and Josephine there already. “There a massive bulk over the mountain.”

“Under what banner?” Josephine asks him.

“None.”

“None?” That’s all I hear before I open the doors to run outside. I ran smack into someone and fall on the ground. I look up to find a pale blonde man staring down at me.

“I’m Cole, I came to warn you. To help you people are coming to hurt you. You probably already noticed.” He helps me up and I grip my axe.

“What’s going on?” I ask him

“Templars come to kill you.”

“Templars! Is this the orders response to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?” Cullen interjects putting himself in between Cole and I.

“The red Templars went to the elder one. You know him he knows you. You took his mages.” He stops to point at the mountains. “There.” We see the red templars approach over the mountains. “He very angry you took his mages” I grab Cullen’s arm.

“Cullen what do we do?” 

“Haven is no fortress if we are to withstand this monster we must control the battle. Get out there and hit them with everything we got.” He takes my hand. “Please be careful, Asha. We need you. I need you.” 

“I’ll be fine.” I squeeze his hand. “Protect the people.” I rush to the trebuchet with the others. We try to help fend off the templars, but there so many of them we have troubles keeping them off of us. When the trebuchet fires we move to the next one. The Templars killed the scouts that were about to fire it.

“Keep them off me.” I say slicing through them to man it myself. I try to move it as quickly as I can. There so many of them Cassandra is down and Varric is close. Just when I’m about to fall the trebuchet fires. 

Have to save everyone. I have to make sure I can save as many as possible. What was that thing? Get to the Chantry. That’s the goal get everyone to the Chantry. I run in past Chancellor Roderick and Cole not checking on them. 

“The Chantry is your shelter.” Roderick says as Cole catches him in his arms. 

“He tried to stop a templar. The blade went deep. He’s going to die.”

“What a charming boy.” I look around at everyone and spot Cullen marching over.

“Asha, thank the maker you made it. That dragon stole any time that you have made us.” He pulls me into his arms. The hug is over as quick as it began. I can hear him and Cole bickering back and forth. Finally Cole and Roderick talk about a path that leads away from Haven.

“There no time to waste then. Go, I’ll use the last trebuchet.” I watch Cole take Roderick to the end of the chantry while Cullen remains.

“Asha, you can’t be serious.” He grabs my arm as I try to walk away. “You could die out there.”

“But you’ll live and that’s far more important to me.” I break free of his hold and run out the doors. I can hear him calling my name while I run through Haven. This is my fault and I must fix it.


	8. Mini Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV Cullen

“Asha!” I scream into the blizzard. “Andraste’s tits woman!” I can’t believe she did that. Maker hear my prayers. Please bring her back to here, to us, to me. I pace around the sitting area around the fire waiting for news. There hasn’t been a sighting of her yet. Where is she? They won’t let me search for her anymore. I should be out there with the scouts. I don’t care if a blizzard is coming. I should be looking for her.

“Commander Cullen?” I turn around to see where the voice came from.

“Yes, Solas?” He standing tall with his hands behind his back. I straighten mine to seem as if I'm not upset. 

“I’m certain Asha will return soon. You mustn’t worry.” 

“How can you be so certain?” I clench my hands trying to fight the urge to yell at him.

“She resourceful, cunning, and her will is strong. She will endure the cold.” He slowly starts to walk away. “I know you care for her a great deal, Cullen. I am grateful that she can rely on you as a friend.” 

“Thank you, Solas.” I watch him walk into his tent. Of course she involved with him. They're always together. He'll make her happy. He better make her happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, so I made this mini chapter to show the difference between how Cullen and Solas are about Asha when it comes to danger. I don't think I'll do a POV Solas. Probably because we don't know how much bs Solas was about and if he truly acts that way in his head. I do love him though he definitely a great character and I can't wait for future development with him.


	9. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very big difference in dialogue.

It's cold, so very cold. I can feel myself being carried by someone. I gently stroke the fur against my cheek and smile. 

“You spoil me, Commander.” I feel him stop to open a tent flap and put me on a bedroll. 

“Shut up, Asha.” He kneels beside the bedroll hands collapsed in a prayer. I wait for him to finish, so I don't interrupt his thoughts. He sighs and looks up at me.

“You're awfully feisty tonight.” 

“I'm exhausted from being worried.” He puts his head down. “I was worried sick.” He mumbles. 

“I'm just glad mostly everyone is alright.” I take ahold of his hand. “Especially you. We need you, Cullen.” He chuckles.

“They don't need me. They need you, Asha” he looks at our hands and smiles. “There people waiting to speak with you before you rest.” He lets go of my hand and walks towards the end of the tent. “We'll regroup later, Herald.” He says as Solas and Cassandra walk in. He steps out of the tent his boots crunching the snow underneath. 

“Surprise, I'm not dead.” I say as they both frown at me.

“What were you thinking?” I can tell Solas is angry, but I don't understand why.

“Solas-I”

“You could have died out there! What would we do then?” 

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for Haven?” Cassandra asks interrupting Solas’ lecture. 

“We wouldn't have survived if I didn't. Besides I'm not dead and most of the people in Haven made it out alive. That includes you both.” Cassandra stares at me with wide eyes. “You want me to be your savior? Then don't question me when I do the saving.” 

“Understood, your worship.” She nods her head and exits the tent. I return my gaze to Solas. His hands are behind his back in their usual position. I sit up in the bedroll and gesture for him to sit with me.

“I'm sorry I made all of you so worried.” He sighs while sitting down next to me taking my hand.

“I’m sorry to lose to my temper towards you. It was unfair to do, lethallan” 

“Don't be sorry. I should have thought about the what ifs instead of diving in head first.” 

“You did what you had to do. We should not be angry for you saving us.” he releases my hand and stands up. “You must be tired. You should rest.” He walks to the tent flaps.

“Solas?” 

“We will speak later.” He opens the flaps and walks out leaving me alone. My eyes start to feel heavy. I can feel myself slowly slipping into a deep sleep I haven't had in a long time. 

Suddenly I'm startled awake by the advisors shouting. I immediately try to get, but Mother Giselle is gently pushing me back now. 

“Shh, rest child.” 

“They've been like this for hours. I need to help plan.” 

“Another heated voice won't help any.” 

“I'm not heated, in fact I'm rather cold.” I stand up and walk over to the group. They all turn to me faces softening. 

“Your worship.” Josephine says with a nod of her head. “Are you feeling better?” 

“I will knowing we are out of harm’s way.” 

“As-Herald, we have nowhere to go. We need a place to take shelter in.” Leliana and Josephine give Cullen a questioning glance at the slip up of my title. “Unless we are safe there we should not stay too long in one place.”

“We need to find a place quickly before that monster comes back.”

“I may be able to help with that.” Solas says standing behind me. “A moment, Asha?” He whispers in my ear. I nod my head and follow him to a lonely flame in the cold.


	10. Skyhold

“Do you ever sleep?” I ask Cullen sitting on his desk in his office. I grab some the papers off his desk. Scanning through them quickly I notice the reports are mostly disappointing. 

“I sleep easier being here than Haven.” I giggle at his comment. “How was Crestwood?” I give him a long sigh.

“Awful. Simply awful.” He looks up from his papers. “I've never seen so much sadness. So many dead in one area.”

“I'm sorry you had to witness that.” He touches my arm. “We'll find the mayor, I promise.” 

“Thank you, Cullen.” I wipe my face so my tears don't run down. “Well I should let you get back to work.” I jump off the desk.

“Should you need something” I turn around to face him “just let me know.” 

“Of course.” I walk backwards to the door. “I'll see you before we leave.” 

I walk towards Solas’ door. We haven't talked much since I became Inquisitor. I feel bad we've both been so busy since Haven. I find him sitting at his table with the ocularum. He notices me walk in and stands up and walks towards me.

“Hello.” 

“How are you, Solas?”

“I am quite well. I'm pleased that you are here.” He smiles at me and takes my hand. 

“I'm sorry I've been so busy.” I walk with him over to the couch. “I should have stopped by sooner.”

“Nonsense.” He says as we sit on the couch leaning into each other. “There people who need you out there. Corypheus must be stopped and I understand that deserves your attention.” 

“You also deserve my attention, Solas.” I put my head on his shoulder and yawn.

“There something I’d like to show you.” I glance up at him. “Close your eyes, lethallan.” I obey his wish and soon fall into an easy rest. I open my eyes to find myself in Haven.

“How?” 

“Incredible!” Solas exclaims behind me. He rushes ahead of me towards the chantry.

“Hey! Wait for me!” I call after him. Soon I catch up to him and then running past him both laughing. I wait for him in the chantry catching my breath. He enter with his hand behind his back not even breaking a sweat. He motions for me to follow him as he walks to the prison cells.

“I sat by you down here while you slept. Studying the anchor. You were a mystery, an enchanting mystery. You still are.” 

“Thank you, I’m glad someone watched over me.”

“Cassandra threatened me when I didn’t have answers. She wanted to have me executed as an apostate.”

“Ah, so Cassandra is like that with everyone at first.” He laughs at my joke.

“Yes, she is.” He walks out of the cells to the upper part of the chantry. I look around to see everything just as I imagined it. Soon he walks out of the chantry with me close behind. “You were never going to wake up. How could you? A mortal sent physically sent through the fade?” He stops dead in his tracks. “I was frustrated, frightened even. The spirits I consult with were driven away by the breach. I was ready to flee.” 

“But you didn’t” I take his hand in mine. “You stayed.”

“I did.” He looks up to the breach. “I told myself one more attempt to seal the breach. I tried and failed, but then.” Suddenly I see where we first met where he took my hand and helped me close the rift. “You hold the key to our salvation. Just like that with a small gesture. I felt the whole world change.” 

“The whole world?”

“A figure of speech.” He smiles at me squeezing my hand.

“But you felt that.” I step closer to him feeling his breath graze my skin softly. 

“You changed everything to me.” I blush at his comment.

“You’re too kind, Solas.” I couldn’t help, but stare at his lips. I’ve never kissed anyone before, but right now it feels right. I release his hand and put both of mine on his cheeks. I pull him down and put my lips against his. Realizing what I’ve done I pull away from him. Suddenly his hands pull me back by my waist and into his lips again. I can feel a smile on his lips while kissing me. I wrap my arms around his waist as he bend forward into me. As if I’m being devoured by him. He stops to look at me. 

“We can’t. It isn’t right not even here.” 

“Solas? What do you mean?”

“Where do you think we were.” I look around to realize why this feels odd.

“This isn’t real.”

“That’s a matter of debate. We can discuss this once you wake up.” Suddenly I’m in Skyhold again my cheek against Solas’ chest.

“How?”

“Sleep well?” He says looking down at me. I lift myself to look at him.

“That was perfect.” He laughs and I lower myself to his lips. He gently puts his hands around my waist embracing me with his whole body. My hands are on his chest clutching to his shirt. I can feel my whole body become warm. My cheeks flushing due to the kiss. He breaks away from our kiss. His hands moving to my curly hair. He wraps a strand around his finger.

“You are truly amazing. You are not even a mage and you went into the fade with me.” I giggle at his shocked expression. 

“Maybe it has to do with the mark. Or maybe you just wanted me there that badly” 

“I suppose either way works.” He moves his hand to my forehead touching the branches of my vallaslin with his fingertips. 

“Mythal” He looks into my eyes with a sad expression. 

“Yes, I'm aware of the meaning.” His hands move down to my cheeks cupping them. 

“I'm glad we went into the fade.”

“As am I.”


	11. Fade Dreams

As I watch Cullen train with the soldiers Dorian comes and joins me.

“Marvelous isn’t?” He starts to play with my hair pulling it apart to make it a braid.

“What is?” 

“When ever he trains I find you here.”

“I’m not always here when they train. I don’t come to the night ones.” He laughs while I stick my tongue out at him. 

“Seriously my dear, what are we gonna do about you?” He finishes my hair and sits next to me. “You have Solas and the commander wrapped around your dainty finger.”

“You’re delusional, Dorian. Cullen and I are just friends he said so himself.” 

“Yes, but I do know a couple things about men. Unlike you my little flower.” 

“Speaking of men, Dorian.”

“Festis bei umo canavarum.” I laugh at him using his native tongue. “We will not speak of this.”

“Oh, come on!” He sighs at me giving me a disappointed look. “How is The Iron Bull?” I can see Bull coming towards signaling me not to say anything.

“There nothing going on there, Asha.” Bull slowly creeps behind Dorian. “We barely speak unless with you on field assignments.” 

“Aw Dorian.” Bull puts his arms around him. “You don’t want boss to know about your Amatus.”

“Vishante kaffas!” He yells trying to get out of his grasp as Bull picks him up. I laugh watching the two eventually embrace each other. It makes me think of my parents and how they used to be. My stubborn mother always loved my father even when she was mad at him. He always tried to cuddle her and be right next to her no matter her mood. I’ve always wanted a guy like my father. He was kind, sweet, and always showed her affection. I have very few memories of him before he died. My mother wasn’t the same after that, she became distant before she died.

“Oh hello, Cullen.” Dorian says as I turn my head towards him.

“Hello” Cullen says in a small voice. He not wearing his normal armor instead he wearing a casual white tied up blouse. It soaked with his sweat showing off his chiseled muscles. I find myself staring at them.

“Hey boss, you feeling okay? Your face looks red.” Dorian chuckles behind me at Bull’s comment while Cullen’s face turns from tired to concern.

“I-I’m perfectly f-fine.” I shriek standing up and looking away from Cullen.

“As-Inquisitor, I can help you to your room.” Cullen says as he steps closer to me.

“Ah yes please do, commander.” Dorian says pushing me into him. 

“No, it’s alright! We’ll speak later.” I say running up the steps leading to Skyhold’s throne room. I turn towards Solas’ room and slam the door. I walk over to couch and lay across it sighing into a pillow. 

“Lethallan?”

“Hi Solas.” I mumble into the pillow. I turn my head to look at him sipping tea. “You hate tea.”

“I detest it.” He stands up from his chair and walks over to me. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Then ask.”

I never thought I would see Solas so angry. I don’t blame him for being upset about his friend. I walk into Skyhold with only Varric and Cole.

“He’ll come back, Copper.” Varric says patting my back.

“He sad. He wants to tell you. He wants you to understand everything. But he can’t. Why can’t he?” 

“Feeling are complicated, kid.” Varric motions for Cole to follow him. I walk up the stairs to head to my room. I hope he does come back. I want him to know I’m here for him. I sit on my bed staring out the window. I think about home and how far away it feels. I wonder if I’ll ever go back there. Soon I fall asleep and find myself in the fade again. I don’t mean to come here every night, but ever since I came here with Solas it keeps happening. Everytime there a wolf waiting for me in a field of small white flowers. 

“Hello again.” I walk over to it and gently pet its’ head. “You’re an awfully nice spirit. Tell me pet, do you know if Solas is back yet?” It shakes its’ head at me. “That’s too bad.” I sit in the grass and pat the spot next to me. It lays down and puts its’ head in my lap. “I wonder why I don’t see Solas here as often as you.” I bend forward and hug the large animal around the neck. “You’re a kind friend for always listening to me bamble.” Soon the spirit disappears in my arms. Sometimes it stays for my whole rest and sometimes leaves shortly after. I lay down and pull a flower out of the ground. I love these flowers I’ve never seen them outside of the fade. I wonder if Solas knows why. So I feel my eyes grow heavy and wake back in my bed. The sun is barely rising in the distant there a storm cloud coming our way. 

“It’s suppose to rain.” I turn over to find Solas sitting on my sofa reading a book. “I’m sorry I left.” He puts down his book and crawls onto my bed.

“I like the rain.” He towers above me as I reach for him. I cup his face with both my hands. “Where did you go?”

“I found a spot to rest under a tree. I visited my friend usual place in the fade, but they weren’t there.”

“Could they come back?”

“Most likely not. But something of the same nature can start there now.” He lays down on top of me. 

“You don’t have to do this alone.” I gently stroke his head grazing against his ears now and then.

“I am not alone.” He lifts himself up and kisses me gently. I put my arms around his neck and opening my mouth for him. He slips his tongue against mine devouring my taste. He lifts me up against him pressing my body into his. I move my hands down his chest and into the back of his shirt clinging to his back.

“Solas?” I whisper when he stops and kisses my neck.

“Yes?” Continuing down my neck. His teeth gently scrape against my skin

“I love you.” He stops and looks up at me. He gently puts me down back on the bed. I sit up to look at him straight in the face.

“I love you, ma vhenan.”


	12. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of Cullen POV at the end.

I sigh while watching the rain outside of Cullen’s door. He placed two chairs for us to sit and talk during the storm. After I confessed to Solas he left and said he had something important to do. I don't get it he said he loved me too. Why would he run away when we got intimate? 

“Enjoying the rain?” Cullen asks handing me a mug. 

“I always do.” I take the mug. “Thank you.” He sits in the chair next to me and starts to drink from his cup. I take a small sip and taste the hot liquid. “What is this?”

“What?” He gives me a puzzled look. “It's cocoa.” I drink more of the sweet drink. “It's like chocolate coffee.” 

“I love it.” He smiles at me and then goes back to watching the rain. 

“Did Solas not want to watch the rain with you?” I shake my head and sigh. 

“I told him I loved him.” Cullen chokes on his drink he starts to cough to get the drink out of his throat. “Are you alright?”

“I-I’m fine. What did he say?”

“He said it back.” Tears start to swell in my eyes. “But then he left right before we became…”

“Became?” I put my head in my shirt to hide my face. “Oh! Oh….” He takes my mug and puts it on his desk.

“I don’t know why he didn’t want to.” I lift my face and wipe my eyes. Cullen kneels in front of me and puts my hands in his.

“Maybe he cares too much about you to want to ruin anything.” 

“You think so?” 

“I would like to. Asha, you’re too precise for anyone to want to lose.” I surge forward into him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“Thank you, Cullen.” I let go and look at his face. “Ma serannas, Cullen. Ma melava halani!” 

“What?” I giggle. “What did you say?” He starts to chuckle with me.

“I said Thank you, Cullen. You helped me.” His face turns pink while he smiles.

“Of course. I’ll always help you with anything.”

“Careful what you say. I just might make you help me on missions.” His laugh is deep and his face breaks into a glowing smile. “How have you been?” His laugh stops and he looks down.  
“I’ve been fine. I still haven’t taken lyrium yet.”

“That’s amazing!” He looks up at me. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, Asha.” He helps me up as the rain stops. We walk outside to head to the tavern to meet Varric and the others. I head inside while Cullen stops outside the door.

“What is it?” 

“Go ahead. I have to take care of something first.” I nod at him and head inside to play wicked grace with Sera, Varric, and Cole.

Cullen  
As I walk away from the tavern I go up the stairs to Skyhold’s throne room. I can’t believe Solas would do that to her. Maker give me strength not to kill him. I march into his room and close the door.

“Ah, Commander Cullen. How can I help you?” Solas says with his hands holding open a book.

“How dare you!” I snap at him. I step forward into the room. “How can you do that to her? Trying to be intimate with her and then leave her when she confesses to you.”

“Ah, so this is personal business.” He slams his book together and sets it down on the table. “You wouldn’t understand.” 

“What wouldn’t I understand? That you didn’t want emotion involved? That her feelings didn’t concern you til she said it?” He stared at me emotionless. I can see I upset him though with the way he clenched his fists. 

“Tell me Commander. What are your feelings towards the Inquisitor?” 

“Asha is my friend.”

“By choice? Or simply because she loves me and not you?” My hand clenches the pommel on my sword. 

“You don't know if she does or does not.” 

“Yet I'm the one she confessed to.” I bite my tongue before I say or do something rash. 

“If anything happens to her-”

“It won't be by my doing.” He picks his book back up and sits it his chair. “Have a pleasant evening, Commander.” I leave his room and slam the door shut. Maker I can't believe I did that. I should not let my emotions get the best of me. I walk down the steps towards the tavern. 

“Cullen!” Asha yells when she sees me coming.

“I'm sorry. It took longer than I expected.”

“That’s okay. Varric trying to teach Cole how to play. I just got a little worried you weren’t coming.”

“Really?”

“Well okay. Maybe just maybe I got a little bit bored.” She laughs at her comment. Andraste preserve me she beautiful when she laughs. The way her eyes close when she amused. 

“We don't have to go.” She stops laughing.

“What do you mean?” I hold my hand out to her. 

“Come with me.”


	13. What is Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHoo not dead!

I walk through Skyhold’s garden lost in a trance. Going to Ferelden with Cullen was such a nice trip. He really opened up to me about when he was young. He gave me his coin for luck and to keep me safe. He must realize how nervous I am about going to Adamant and dealing with the Grey Wardens.

“Asha?” I turn around to see Solas approaching me.

“Hello Vhenan.” I hold my hand out for him. “Will you walk with me?”

“Of course.” Solas wasn’t thrilled when I returned with Cullen last night. I stopped in his room to explain everything to him. I got my usual lecture on how I should have told him and how reckless I am. He then wrapped his arms around me and told me he loved me. I’ve never felt love like this before. I know that he worries too much, but he cares and that the most important thing. 

“We must be careful for when we leave for Adamant. I can not imagine the horror awaiting for us there.” He says squeezing my hand.

“You’re right. I just hope everything will turn out in the end.”  
“A wishful thought, Vhenan.” He smiles and leads me away from the garden.

“Someone has to be wishful in times like these.” I look around the throne room and see it’s mostly empty it must be getting pretty late then. We walk the way to my quarters.

“Solas?” He stops just outside the door to my room. “Would you like to join me?”

“I will in the fade, but for now I will sleep separately from you.”

“But why?”

“It wouldn’t be right to you.”

“You’ve said that about us before too.”

“I know.” 

“Then won’t you join me?” I smile at him and open the door.

“Perhaps another night.” He leans into me wrapping his arms around my waist. “I don’t want to harm you in any way physically or mentally.” His lip graze against mine in a slow soft kiss. He then sighs while letting go of me. “Goodnight, Vhenan.”

“Goodnight.” I walk up the stairs and flop on my bed groaning.

“Well maybe it’s a good thing I stayed.” Dorian says while sitting on my couch

“What are you doing here so late? Won’t Bull miss you?” He lays with me on the bed while sighing into my pillow.

“He with his chargers out drinking tonight. I was hoping you’d want to hang out, but then I heard you and Solas outside. I was hoping I had to break up an intense love session.”

“If only.” 

“What’s this? Is our little Inquisitor not getting the proper attention from her lover?” I grab my pillow and hit him over the head with it. “Alright, alright I’ll stop.” He says laughing at me.

“Do you think he loves me?” He stops laughing and holds my hand.

“I want to think he does.”

“Thanks Dorian.” Time flew by after that conversation with Dorian. We went to deal with the wardens and then we were sent into the fade. I can’t apologize enough to Sera and Dorian for choosing them to come with me in that terrifying place. Solas was more than thrilled that we went there. Of course he was, he loves the fade and I don’t blame him. He seen all the best parts of it, but I haven’t not yet. He promises that he’ll show me someday. But when is someday? 

We are now at The Winter Palace in Halamshiral. Everything is corrupted and ruined here that we have to help save the empress. Everyone looks at me like I shouldn’t be here like I’m not worth their attention. Josephine had me wear this emerald colored dress that shows off almost every curve of my frame. I start to walk towards Cullen to ask him if he has seen anything yet. 

“Commander are you here alone tonight?” One of the noble women says to him.

“Yes I am.”

“How wonderful.” I roll my eyes at him after she leaves to get more drinks. He chuckles and moves a little so I can lean against the wall. We both hate this of course.

“How amazing.” I mock using her fake tone.

“It was actually the word wonderful she used.” He says leaning down closer to me. “Shouldn’t you be with Solas tonight?”

“We need to focus on the Empress. Something may happen, Asha.” Cullen laughs at the voice I use for Solas. “Stick to the plan. Watch and be patient.” I giggle returning to my usual voice. “Mythal save me! This is awful.”

“I agree, I need to have this jacket let out a little.” I laugh at his comment knowing quite well how tight it is on him. “I miss my armor a tad bit if we’re being honest.” 

“I don’t know I think you should wear this stuff more often.” He face turns red at my comment. “Maybe it’s the drinks talking.”

“Maybe I should dress up more often.” Shit now my face is turning red. I need another drink before going to the servants wing. Throughout the rest of the night it was chaos. I saved the empress had Morrigan join us and yet here I was on a balcony like some story book ending of the night. 

“Everything went well tonight. Why aren’t you celebrating with everyone?” Solas asks placing his hand on my back. 

“I hate all this political crap. I want to go home and take a long hot bath.”  
“Would you like some company during that?” I turn towards Solas confused by what he said. He never says stuff like this anymore. 

“Solas-I..” He shushes me and pulls me into his arms. 

“We can discuss that later, but for now dance with me.” He places a hand on my waist and takes my hand with the other. “You look beautiful tonight, Asha.” I feel dizzy around Solas whenever he like this. Sometimes I can’t tell if he does actually care about me. Any affection towards me makes me listen to every word he says so eagerly. At that time I hoped to be with Solas even after we destroyed Corypheus, but now I can see how foolish that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm rushing through stuff, but you know what happens.


	14. Another Dance NSFW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Oops

I watch Solas leave the balcony and turn back to look at the sky. It's been awhile since I've just watched the stars and relaxed. It was quite refreshing to do after everything. 

"Asha?" I turn around to find Cullen holding out his hand for me. "Dance with me?"

"What?" I ask in a whisper tone. 

"I want to dance with you tonight. It might be my only chance to do so." He says putting a hand on my waist and holding the other. 

"I didn't know you dance" I say keeping time with him. 

"I usually don't, but tonight is different." It feels like I can stay like this forever. I don't want to go back inside and have dull conversations with everyone. For once something feels right to me. 

"I wish it could always be like this, Cullen." I lay my head on his chest. He stops and holds me tight in his arms. I look up at him and place a hand on his cheek. 

"I do too." He leans down til he barely touches my lips with his. 

"Why can't it?" I stand on my toes crashing his lips into mine. At first it is soft and light, but slowly I feel my desire build within. Soon I wrap my arms around his neck and melt into his embrace. I stop to kiss his neck burying my face into it. I feel his hands reach under my jacket and touch my bare back. I look back at him feeling how intense his stare is. 

"I don't want to stop, Asha." I grip his shoulders and reach for his lips. He stops me and holds me in place. "I can't. I want to be everything to you and I can't be." He places his forehead against mine. "I don't deserve you. I'm not worthy of someone as incredible as you."

"Cullen" I say grabbing his face and pulling him closer to mine. I kiss his lips softly again to reassure him. "You are worth so much to me." He stares at me with a shocked expression. "I risked my life for you back in Haven. I would do it again and again. You are worth it to me." 

"Asha?"

"Stop talking." I kiss him and keep kissing him til we are in my chambers in Skyhold. I slowly undo his formal jacket and let it fall to the floor revealing his bare chest. He breaths deeply as I kiss across his chest moving slowly to savor every second. His hands are rough but everything else is smooth and soft to me. I run my fingers across his scars. 

"Are you sure about this?" He asks me cupping my face. 

"I am." He runs his hands down and starts to undo my jacket slowly dropping it onto the floor. 

"Maker's breath." He stares at my brassiere memorized. "I'm sorry. I seem to be at a lost for words." 

"In a good way?" I giggle placing his hands on my chest. 

"Maker yes!" He says scooping me into his arm placing kisses across my chest. He sets me down on the bed accidentally crushing me.

"Ow! Cullen!" I laugh out as he rolls over next to me.

"I'm sorry." He moves my hair from my face. "You are beautiful." He traces his fingers on my tattoos. It feels amazing.

"You can ask about it." I laugh and hold his hand. "I don't mind." 

"I know quite bit already. Some of the Elves in Kirkwall talked about your gods." He kisses me hand. "If you want to talk about them I will listen of course." 

"That's sweet of you, Cullen." I lean forward and kiss him. This feels amazing. Cullen feels amazing to me. We feel amazing together. He stops kissing me and stares lovingly. 

"I wish you chose me over him." 

"What?" I say lifting myself up on my elbows. I look past Cullen and the see the large wolf from my dreams. "This isn't real."

"Wait" Cullen lifts himself blocking my view. His eyes widen staring into mine. "Asha? Are you..?"

I wake startled in the guest bed at the Winter Palace. Sweat clinging to my skin making me shiver. What do I do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd really think I would forget my darling Commander?


	15. Hot Dreams Lead to Awkward Conversations

It's been a week since we've returned from The Arbor Wilds. I've hidden in my room since that dream has happened. Even on missions I didn't really speak to anyone and I didn't bring Solas with me. I feel guilty and angry at myself, but yet I feel lust and as if I want to run to Cullen. Who is not the man I'm supposed to be in love with. What if Solas and I truly aren't meant to be together? What if Cullen is the knight in shining armor I've always wanted. Mythal, I'm twenty shouldn't I know what I want by now? Solas makes sense and knows me and about my clan, even if he disagrees, but Cullen is kind, caring, and protective of me. He makes me feel like I'm so much more than Inquisitor that I could be anything if I wanted. 

I rush down the stairs of my chambers to Solas' room to ask more about the fade. I have to be careful when I run today, because my stupid ass decided to wear a dress instead of my usual pants. 

"Inquisitor, how can I help?" Solas says as I enter.

"Solas, you never call me that." I stare at him eyes wide wondering if he knows. "I'm sorry if I've upset you."

"It's nothing. How can I help you?" 

"I-uh have questions about the fade again." He sits in his chair waiting for me to continue. "Is it possible with the mark to pull people into the fade when I'm dreaming?" He straightens his back into the chair avoiding my gaze.

"I suppose so. You did pull us into the fade seven months ago." 

"Yes, of course." I nod my head at him and start to walk out. 

"Asha?" I turn around to face him. "It might be best to end this here Vhenan." He turns his face to look at me. "It will be easier on us in the end. I'm sorry" 

"Solas?" I turn my head way hiding my face. "Why are you?" I shake my head. "If that's what you want then fine." I open the door that leads to Cullen's office. "Have a good day." I walk out feeling odd about what just happened. I'm sad but I don't feel the type of pain I thought I would have. I thought this was suppose to break my heart and ruin me, but it doesn't. A part of me will always care for Solas, but I'm okay cause I know what I want now. I don't even bother to knock on his door. I just bargin in and walk through. 

"Cullen I need to speak to you." A scout turns around to stare at me like they're in trouble. "Alone please." I open the door and smile at them. 

"Of course, my lady." He quickly hurries out.

"Thank you." I shut the door and lock it behind me. 

"Has something happened, Asha?" Cullen says standing up from his chair. "Did Solas say something to upset you?" Shit he knows me well.

"Solas and I are no more." His eyes widen as he tries to fight a smile. 

"I'm sorry, are you alright?" 

"I'm actually fine. I didn't come here to talk about him." I walk towards him.

"What do you need then?" 

"You." I move around the desk to stand in front of him. "I have to ask you something first."

"Of-f course." His face is bright red now.

"Did you have a dream about us" I sit on his lap crossing my legs "the night before we left the palace?" 

"Maker's breath!" He slaps his hand to his forehead. "I should have known."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring you-" Cullen pulls me into his lips. His hands are on my back holding me against him. He stops kissing me and traces my lips with his fingers 

"I should have known it was you." 

"You're not mad?" I run my hands through his hair watching his curls try to come loose.

"That's the best sleep I've had in years." He cups my face pulling me back into a kiss. I can feel his hold on me tighten pushing my breasts up against his chest. He feels intoxicating to me and being with him feels right. I've never felt this type of passion before. Of course I've never gone this far before. Oh shit.

"I should probably mention something." I say as he starts to kiss down my neck. 

"Hmm?" He moans into my chest leaving kissing across it.

"Cullen-en ah, p-please I'm seri-ous" I try to manage out. 

"Alright, alright." He smiles and holds my hand. "What's the matter?" His face softens and he looks down. "Is it about Solas?" 

"What! No, oh Cullen." I place a hand on his cheek caressing him. "It's just that well....this would be my first time if we went any farther." 

"First time?" He stops to think and realizes what I'm saying. "You've never?" I shake my head. "Andraste preserve me." He sighs and lays his head in my chest. 

"Are you disappointed?"

"What! No!" He says squeezing me into him making me laugh. "I just think we shouldn't rush this then. I want you to be positive I'm what you want in the end, because I'm not leaving you." He sighs and looks up at me. 

"I think I've always wanted you Cullen." I start to play with his curls again. "But we leave for the Altar of Mythal in two days." He smiles at me and reaches a hand to my face. "Maybe we should just spend it together in my chambers?" 

"Asha, I'm serious about waiting." I start to scratch his scalp lightly with my nails.

"I know you are, and I appreciate you for wanting to." I start to kiss his cheek and move down his neck. "That doesn't mean we can't stay like this." 

"For someone who a virgin knows how to get her way with their body." He smiles and hugs me tight in his arms. "Alright, we'll spend time together just you and me in your chambers if you'd like."

"I just want to be with you every second til I leave." 

"As do I, but we still both have work to do. You go on ahead and take lunch to your room. I'll grab what I need and meet you there." He kisses me quickly before I hop off his lap. I don't even bother with the stairs as I start to jump down them not even worried about my dress. I spot Dorian next to the tavern talking to Bull. 

"Hey boss, you look happy." Bull says giving me a smug grin. 

"Your hair is a mess!" Dorian shrinks. "What were you doing? Finally having fun with Solas?" He says in a hushed tone. 

"Can't be Solas, kadan." He puts his hand on Dorian's back. "She was just in Cullen's office." Dorian's jaw drops and is staring at me soon turning into a grin 

"Asha you didn't!" Dorian says grabbing my hands. 

"Didn't what?" I say trying to act like I don't know what I just did. 

"Are you still with Solas?" Bull asks gently touching my shoulder. I can feel my expression drop. "What happened Imekari?" 

"He ended it, poor little copper here didn't even fight him over." Varric says coming out of the tavern. "How you holding up, kid?" 

"I'm fine, really guys I am." I smile and pat Bull's hand. 

"What happened with Commander Cullen though?" Dorian asks obviously not letting it go. 

"Well by the way Curly just walked by on the barracks with his hair a mess. I assume he finally told you." Varric says pointing where Cullen is walking. I can see him look over and smile at me. I lift my hand up and wave him to go ahead without me. He chuckles and nods his head. 

"Told me what Varric?" 

"That he loves you."


	16. Are You Really Okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asha isn't a fighter when it comes to people she cares about. She rather let you kick her down instead of hurting the people she cares about. That's why I didn't make the break up with Solas quite as intense as it is in the game. It's not over for those two though. Solas knows what Asha truly wants and sadly she wants Cullen more, but she still holds Solas in her heart.

"What do you mean, Varric?" I ask while watching Cullen walk away.

"Oh please! You've both been obsessed with each other since Haven." Dorian says leaning on me. "It was only a matter of time you got rid of Solas."

"I didn't do that." I say remembering about Solas again feeling blue.

"Sparkles that's not the best topic right now." Varric tells Dorian.

"I don't blame her! He absolutely dreadful!" He smiles and puts an arm around me. "Was he completely heartbroken when you ended it?"

"Dorian!" Bull and Varric say obviously reading my mood. It dead silence as everyone stares around each other, while I close my eyes and tilt my head down. Shouldn't I be more upset right now?

"He ended it, not I" I finally squeak out.

"What?" Dorian shrieks. "Why would he do that? Is it because of the fountain?" I widen my eyes wondering the same thing now feeling my eyes swell. I didn't cry then why am I now?

"Boss?" I look up at Bull as he placing his hand on my shoulder and kneels down to my level. "Did he tell you why?"

"He told me 'It' will be easier on us both to end this now, Vhenan' that's all he said." I feel the tears coming down like it's just now hitting me. "I want to be with Cullen though. What's wrong with me?" I start to bawl and rest my head on Bull's shoulder.

"Hey, hey Asha." Dorian says rubbing my back. "It's alright, dear."

"I thought I loved him more than Cullen, but ever since..." I stop myself and sob.

"Kadan, get my cloak from the chair." I hear Dorian enter the tavern. "It's going to be okay, imekari."

"I'm an awful person, Bull" I feel Dorian put the cloak on me. "Mythal, what is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you." I lift my head up and Bull ties the cloak around my neck. "It's not your fault Solas let you go." He pulls my hood up. "There we go. Don't want anyone to think less of our inquisitor cause she crying." He smiles. "Just because Cullen wants you and you want him has nothing to do with your previous relationship with Solas."

"But Copper," I look over to Varric. "Do you love Cullen or is it just that you're trying to move on?" I look down at my hands thinking about Cullen and everything about him.

"I think I do love him. Is that even possible?" I say beginning to smile thinking of him.

"Asha, if that how you feel then go to him." Dorian says smiling. "What are you doing here still?" He laughs and pushes me towards the stairs to the throne room. "Go! Go tell him you love him!"

"You're right! You're absolutely right!" I start to run towards the stairs. "Thanks guys!" I shout behind me. I run as fast as I can towards my chambers feeling my tears fly from my face. I burst through my door and up the steps. "Cullen?" I shout when running up them.

"Yes?" He says putting his reports down on my desk. "Are you alright? Did something happen?"

"I'm more than alright." I leap into him and kiss him deeply. I can feel his body tense from the sudden exchange. He slowly let's himself go and wraps his arms around me tightly. "Cullen, I'm sorry."

"For what?" He laughs cupping my cheeks. 

"I don't want you to feel like I'm just trying to move on." His smile fades. "I am trying to move on and continue my life, but I want you to stand by my side."

"Asha, I understand." 

"Do you understand?" I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze tightly. "I never want to hurt you." 

"You won't." Cullen lets go of me and walks me over to the couch. "I'm not going anywhere." He sits down and pulls me into his lap. "No one is taking you from me, not Solas, not Corypheus, not anyone. I've been through the most horrible things you could imagine, but you are the most amazing thing I've ever had." His eyes drift off to that far place he goes to whenever he mentions Kinloch.

"Cullen?" I ask him trying to meet his gaze.

 "I won't let anything happen to you." He says finding my eyes. "Asha I mean this now and forever."

"I know you do."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very new to this so sorry if things are weird or really dumb.


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